“essays that worked” are distinct and unique to the individual
writer; however, each of them assisted the admissions reader in
learning more about the student beyond the transcripts and
activity sheets. We hope these essays inspire you as you prepare
to compose your own personal statements. The most important
thing to remember is to be original and creative as you share
your own story with us.
I was seven years old when I saw the ocean for
the first time. My grandmother had invited me to visit her near Okinawa, Japan.
I will never forget that encounter—the intense sun, the endless horizon, the
infinite shades of blue that dissolved any boundary between sky and waves. And
most of all, the secret of the water. Swimming in those waters was like diving
into a kaleidoscope, deceptively plain on the outside, but a show of colors on
the inside, waiting to dazzle me, mesmerize me. Those colors! Coral reefs—pink,
green, red, purple—covered the seafloor; streaks of sunlight illuminated them,
the swaying water creating a dance of hues. And weaving in and out of the
contours of coral swam brilliant fish that synchronized every movement with the
water, creating one body, one living entity. I longed to join and flow with them
to the music of the waves; that’s where I felt I belonged. And leaving was like
parting home, not going home.
Five years later, I returned. At first, all
seemed to match my memory: the crystalline waters and that open horizon with the
sun daring to come closer to Earth. But the second I dove in, I knew my home had
vanished…white. That’s all I could see around me: bone-white death. I
couldn’t accept it. I kept swimming farther out, hoping to catch even the
smallest hint of color. But there was no sign of that brilliant garden I
remembered, just fragments of bleached coral. It was like looking down onto
the aftermath of a war: a bombed city, with only the crumbles of cement to
testify for the great buildings that once stood. But who was the culprit behind
this egregious attack?
Though at the age of twelve, I couldn’t even begin to guess, I
now know the answer is us. Humans are an impressive species: we have
traveled to every continent, adapted to countless environments, and innovated to
create comfortable means of living. But in the process, we have stolen the
colors from nature all around the globe, just as we did that coral reef. Our
trail of white has penetrated the forests, the oceans, the grasslands, and
spread like a wild disease. I, too, have left a white footprint, so I have a
responsibility to right these wrongs, to repaint those colors, and to
preserve the ones that remain. Some question why I should care. The answer is
simple: this planet is my home, my birthplace. And that, in and of itself, is an
inseparable bond and a timeless connection. Nature has allowed me my life, so I
have no right to deny its life. As Jane Goodall once said, “If we kill off the
wild, then we are killing a part of our souls.” This is my soul—our soul. I know
that I alone cannot protect this soul, so I will not make a promise that I
cannot fulfill. But this promise I will make: I will do what I can do.
Hometown: Dallas, Texas
Intended major: Biology
建議: Reading the essay, I get the sense that Nina is both
intellectually curious and committed to scientific and environmental
research. Though Nina’s essay is well written, what makes it so strong is
that it also conveys a personal connection to larger environmental issues.
Too often, students write about issues—political, educational,
environmental, etc.—in an impersonal and argumentative way. The college
essay isn’t a thesis; it’s meant to be a reflection of who the student is,
and Nina’s love of the ocean, of travel, and of the environment gives me a
glimpse of who she is as an individual.
—Dana Messinger, Senior Assistant Director of Admissions
美國大學本科學士課程常會有的 Essay題目範例如何寫好美國大學的申請 Essay